December 17, 2018
What Your Kids Listen To…
There are few “Absolutes” in the Coaching World, or in the Real World, that Hold True 100% of the time…
There are, however, a number of Generalizations or even Stereotypes that exist because they are the “Norm”…
One of the Big Ones is: “Don’t Coach your Kids”, or as we like to say, the next Good Parent/Kid Coaching Relationship we see will be the 1st one!
The Parent/Child Coaching Relationship, just doesn’t work.
The Cool Part is, there are dozens of Reasons why it doesn’t work, not just a few. We know it isn’t Healthy on many Levels, especially for the Kid(s)…
The Sad Part is that Parents have driven the “Coaches” out of Coaching.
The Neighborhood coach, who influenced hundreds of young Kids growing up, and was a Respected Authority Figure for most Athletes, is gone…
They never coached for the Money, but Parent Interference, Complaints, Backstabbing, Arguments on Philosophy (Wins v Development), Petulant Children, Overscheduled/Exhausted Athletes, and Lack of Commitment from the Team has led to an Exodus of Coaches who Coached to Help and Serve…
That leaves Parents to Coach. Some start out of concern for the Kids.
Some begin because they were “good” back in the day.
Some want to make their Kid the next Tiger/Crosby/Serena/Beckam.
Others want to relive their Glory all over again.
Its’ not to say that there are not Good Coaches that are Parents, they exist and have virtuous intentions…
But there are No Coaches, repeat, No Coaches, that are Coaching their Kids each year without Bias, with Perspective, that create an Overall Positive Experience for their Kids or the Team…
Unless…
Unless they are Paying that Price at Home instead of at Practice.
The Unicorns that exist, that Coach their Kids year after year (1 year doesn’t always Ruin the Stew) and don’t Crush the Dreams of the rest of the Team are the Coaches who disqualify themselves as Parents at Home…
There is a “Finite” amount of Information each Child will take from their Parents as they Grow-Up. Ask any Parent and they will say no child Listens, Understands, and Cooperates at a Rate of 100%…
The more You decide to be a Coach,and Coach your Child, the less you as a Parent, get to Ask of your Kid…
Not because you don’t want to or won’t try, but rather they just Tune You Out, regardless of “how much they want to Please You” …
If a Parent has “10 Big-Picture Points” in Life (and another 10k of Smaller Details), which ones are you willing to sacrifice, if not all, because you are Coaching?
Pushing your Son/Daughter harder to Improve? What gives on the other Side? Chores, School-Work or Bonding Time away from Sport?
Adding a Practice Day each Week plus 3 more Tournaments this Year? What happens when your Kid finally gets some Free-Time? Do they Relax or Act Out because they have been so Restricted?
Staying True to the team and not showing any Favoritism to your Child? Are you able to handle the Resentment that comes with that? The movement away from You and Towards the “Other” Parent that doesn’t Criticize Everything they Do? The loss of everything “Away” from Sport because they are sick of you and the Taskmaster Attitude?
“Be a Good Person”. “Treat Others with Respect”. “Don’t Trust Strangers”.
“Don’t Get in the Car if they have been Drinking”. “Don’t try to Fit In if it isn’t How you Feel”. “Family First”. “Education is Important” ….
There are Thousands of Important Messages you want your Kid to Learn and Live By… But the more You Coach Him/Her, the fewer of these Lessons You Get to…
They will only listen to so much. Which is why if “Extra Practice” or “Seeing the Field/court/Ice” is what you are Preaching with Passion, then you lose “Eat your Vegetables”, “Trust your Judgement”, or “Respect Individual Beliefs”.
You don’t Get it All.
By Coaching your Kid repeatedly, you limit your ability as a Parent to drive other important messages home…
Not You? Of course Not! You’re Different, different than the examples right in front of you for the last 25yrs.
And you certainly don’t care about why your Kid is “Difficult to Coach” for the next Coach because you gave them Special Treatment…
Or why they are withdrawn as a Teammate for their next Team because you were Hard on them for being your Child…
Or maybe you are fine with a limited relationship with your Child because they think of You as Coach, not Mom or Dad…
Finally, if you are Coaching your Son or Daughter, don’t forget just how many People are Treating them are “Different” because You are the Coach of the Team.
They may Treat them Better or Worse, depending on the Dynamic of the Team, the Goals, Wins and Losses, Perceived Favoritism, Respect, Anger, etc. But it happens all the time…
What does that mean for your Kid?
Your Son/Daughter struggles to Read People, Develop Relationships, or Be a Good Teammate if everyone Treats them in varying fashion because their Parent is in charge of the Team, controls Playing Time, and talks to other Coaches…
It’s not unlike being the Bosses’, Teachers’ Principals’ or Presidents’ Son/Daughter. It is different in a way you don’t control….
Life is full of Options, choose wisely…
But History is always a Solid Guide of Success and Failure, and try to find even 1 good Coach-Child Relationship (During, not Decades later) for every 1000 Failures…
If you Love your Kid, let them Learn to Play from someone you Trust.
Be their Parent, their Support, their Sounding Block, and their Source of Love…
